Dave's Crap - If you can't do better than us, you didn't try at all
Nog TV with your host Fot Dandler
Easter Countdown!
Our megalomaniac savior became an immortal zombie!
Some people are awaiting the return of Christ. The mental hospitals are full of people just like him in a historical context, provided he lived at all. If the mythological Christ ever returned, the only way to distinguish himself from these pretenders would be divine superpowers. How likely is that?
The long history of how Jesus came to resemble a white European
I guess it's just one more thing for people to fight over. He wasn't perfect. He was really weird, if he lived at all as Mark portrayed him 70 years following his alleged death. God had sex with his mother when she was 14. God always produced male children. Christ learned carpentry and later hung around 12 dudes. He told his followers to avoid divorced women, among other things. Then, for no particularly good reason, he is executed after being secured to a cross. Later, he becomes a zombie which means he's undead and still out there somewhere. Many are convinced they know when he was born (3 AD on December 25th), but it's a guessing game when it comes to his death. Easter Sunday falls on a different day each year. If that's your guy, great. He's a strange fellow to offer up in defense of emotional regulation.
Religion is about emotion regulation, and it’s very good at it
The Bible was assembled by a committee, headed up by some cranky-sounding men who demanded you stay off their lawn and respect your elders. Emperor Constantine I got the ball rolling.
Gift Guide
We extend a special thank you to our visitors from the Cocos (Keeling) Islands, the British Indian Ocean Territory, the United Kingdom, and St. Helena. We love islanders!
Ever since we converted our site to php, the non-secure side has been buried in Word Press references. Our site isn’t a Word Press CMS, but Word Press still stops by a lot. Even our secure side is looking weird. There are plenty of php pages in our top url list, but the most popular enter and exit pages are all html.
We don't know who comes up with these ideas to send us email, but they have tried to send us stuff regarding corporate entertainment options, progressive international art, and literacy outreach campaigns. Some dude from New York who probably runs a talent agency keeps checking if we are available. Well, that's a far better range of potential contacts than at our old site. Back then, it attracted things like upscale British dining establishments and Russian porn. If you like lots of junk mail, just build a php form for visitor feedback. We never heard from any visitors, but the bots sent us lots of spam.
That picture of Orchid Radowski is strangely mesmerizing and hypnotic. It isn't of Elizabeth Holmes, unless she did modeling work for Adobe Stock before heading up Theranos. It's surprising what you can end up with when you just screw around with photo stock.
Intelligence Test
Study this pattern for 10 seconds.
Did you find the image dazzling and a bit disorienting? If so, you are clearly too intelligent to be wasting your time here.
Community Profiles
Jack the Cat - I'm in repose from head to toes
Likes The Shining, pelican jerky, and Turkish catnip
Seeking to disrupt the tuna trade in the North Atlantic and recline comfortably in front of the fireplace
Orchid Radowski - the sadist made us with a curtsy in passing
Likes aluminum, billowing dust, and vinyl car seats during the summer
Seeking a place to urinate and someone to urinate next to
John Challops - I struck out in T-Ball
Likes cigarette tar, performing fake wobbles, and the New York underground music scene
Seeks employment and skipping the foreword to Angels Among Us
Say it with numbers, please...
There's news of a Cancel ChatGPT movement taking place right now. Seven hundred thousand users are merely pledging to quit ChatGPT over an array of issues. ChatGPT has 900 million users globally. Of those, only 50 million pay for it. It took in $4.3 billion and lost $4.7 billion after expenses. It is expected to burn through $115 billion by 2029. It just took in $110 billion in funding from its partners. Those are the numbers. Really, guys? That's your movement? It's nothing to get excited about. The fundamentals will kill off OpenAI before anything else does.
There's also a lot of news about AI replacing jobs. Unemployment edged down from 4.4% in December 2025 to 4.3% in January 2026. Why are we supposed to panic, again? To make the press money.
If you look back at all the tech industry's predictions about what would happen around AI, none of it came to pass in an overwhelming way. The press remains incredulous for financial reasons, but the real-world results look lackluster and uneven at best.
Dave's Crap High Fashion. Coming soon!
This just in...
Him: "You said women are like cats. Why are you so disappointing then?"
Her: (giggles) "We need to eat here more often!"
A blizzard may hit the East Coast. You should have seen the great one in 1888. Fifty inches of snow in Central Park. Twenty-five inches elsewhere. Snow drifts reaching three stories in height.
Why do we have a Web 1.0 site in a Web 3.0 world? We aren't trying to make money. We also don't want to take up the responsibilities of moderating any forums. Web 2.0 created all kinds of problems by introducing user engagement. Zero user engagement avoids problems like this one:
If you guys want to fight and complain about stuff instead, that's why they made Reddit.
Speaking of Reddit...
The old HTML pages are still around. The menu system links their php replacements.
Hype cycles. AI, the World Wide Web, VR/AR, the cult of Elon, social media, cryptocurrency, the metaverse, NFTs, and many more I'm sure I'm forgetting. As the AI bubble quickly dies, we need to prepare for a future hype cycle that promises to be just as stupid as past ones. Here are some ideas:
- The-handcuffing-your-right-wrist-to-your-left-ankle societal craze. People all over the world demonstrate the challenges faced by people who handcuff their right wrist to their left ankle. Led by such luminaries as Barron Trump and Kid Rock, the right-wrist-left-ankle movement becomes the Oxford dictionary word of the year and inspires deep reflection among our leading minds.
- The-crazy-glue-your-butt-cheeks-together mania. Asked why they did it, everyone said the same thing: "Because we could." Crazy glue your butt cheeks together, wait 30 days, and then separate your hindquarters using an upright crowbar. Was it worth it? Time will tell.
- The-swallow-some-spare-change-and-pay-for-things-by-digging-them-out financial craze. Join prominent financial experts by creating your own alimentary canal savings system. Running short during a McDonald's drive-thru visit? Bare a butt cheek in support of financial prudence today!
- The-stow-a-wool-sock-up-someone's-butt-and-demand-it-back social crusade. You wake up one morning and discover a letter demanding the return of a wool sock installed inside your butt without your knowledge. First, extract the sock. Second, discover the identity of the person who left it there and return it to them. A harmless prank or something far more serious? Your day begins with a fresh, unexpected challenge like nothing you've faced before.
- The-write-important-stuff-on-your-face-and-have-people-repeat-it-to-you productivity craze. Without using a mirror or screen, write important and deeply personal text on your face. Then have people you meet repeat this information to you throughout the day. You won't waste effort trying to remember anything you can't afford to forget. Let's face it! It's written all over you!
- The-crane-your-head-through-your-legs-to-see-your-new-drunken-butt-tattoo epiphany. You could use a full-length mirror, but that's what everyone expects. Be original! See it with your own eyes today!
- The-walk-around-upside-down-and-tell-people-to-crush-your-genitalia waltz. Invite people to hammer your junk and remain upright. Why? If you are asking why, you'll never understand the point of it.
- The grand tech circular sale. The customer is just a middleman on the path to greater stock prices. Today, we cut out the middleman and deliver savings directly to you. Join us as we sell products to ourselves and each other through software agents. The more self-dealing we engage in, the more we can build out future infrastructure to satisfy endless demand generated by our software agents. Where does the money come from to fuel that demand? We pay our software agents wages normally reserved for human employees and have them spend 100% of their wages on products they created. Then, we convince human speculators and shareholder software agents to constantly buy more shares regardless of market conditions. Share prices reach astronomical levels with the understanding that no one sells those shares ever. If you sell your shares, the share price plummets, but if you never sell your shares, your wealth will exponentially expand provided you never utilize it under any circumstances. It’s a win-win!
- The oligarch endless gonzo idea jumbotron. To amuse ourselves and each other, we offer up ridiculous ideas promoted as cutting-edge intellectual considerations. Then we present those ideas on social media and latin-language apparel featuring enormous markups. Doing so makes us money and draws attention from annoying problems like homelessness brought on by soaring real estate values that we encouraged. Each time we utter a product of our collective genius, our audiences are charged a hefty consumption fee that reflects the value of our insight. You will swoon with envy! Check out these masterpieces! “Every American citizen will be required to pay an innovation payroll tax that rewards the value of an oligarch simply waking up alive.” “Money will become obsolete in the next 20 minutes because I now own all of it and will charge handsomely for its use.” “We will all transfer our consciousness to cloud-based computing resources simply because we can do it. Then we will transfer our consciousness files to data centers built by robotic crews on other planets. That way, we can conquer the entire galaxy through data transmission. Plus, we live forever.” “Walking in the future will be subscription based. Unless you pay a monthly fee, you will be strapped to a chair.” “Children will be assigned binary language names rather than personal designations. Greetings, I am 10101010. I see we are joined by 10101001010. How was your day?” “Sed haec tunica pro quingentis dollariis ad excultionem genitalium superiorem.” “Dominium universi vindico. Fac mihi solvere 5000 dollaria statim aut te eicere.”
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- TheFrederick
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- Rhee Rhee
Rhee Rhee, the web has only 1.34 billion websites. Of those, only 15% are actively maintained.
Dave's Crap, this is Rhee Rhee. I still hate your stupid website along with anyone else who has been here.